I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
