i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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