he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
