a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
