Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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