direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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