I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
