his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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