i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
