Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
