You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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