Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
