when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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