Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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