Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
