I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
