No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
tell me about the eggs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
