somebody snuck up and got me drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
barbara walters just said penis...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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