I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
