this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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