i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
