I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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