After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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