so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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