I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
