Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
