I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
