This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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