I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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