im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
