i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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