Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
