He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
