her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
