there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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