oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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