But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i have herpe
just one?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
