So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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