dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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