Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
