I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
