UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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