Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
