is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
