I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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