Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
