There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
