apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
