One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
