"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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