I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
