i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
