thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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