drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
