he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
