Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
NoShamevember. You game?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
